Sarah Harding has spoken for the first time about her time in rehab in an exclusive interview with HELLO! magazine.
The Girls Aloud singer reveals how she hit rock bottom as her relationship with then-fiance Tom Crane collapsed.
"Our lives had started to go in different directions without us even realizing and we'd become like passing ships," she said.
He had his career, I had mine, and somehow they didn't seem to marry up. As far as our future plans were concerned, I didn't see how it would work.
"Tom and I had a lot of history – we'd been through a lot together. I was so down but I just tried to keep busy and, to numb myself, I was drinking more. It was my way of escaping."
And, she admits, the situation soon spiraled.
"It was getting harder and harder each day to get myself together and my emotions were all over the place," Sarah says.
“One minute I was deliriously happy, to the point of hysteria, and totally in denial about my problems saying, 'I'm fine, I'm fine.' The next it hit me and when it did, it hit me hard. It's all about acceptance."
She says that it was dinner plans with Girls Aloud bandmates Kimberley Walsh and Nicola Roberts which first made her realize she had a problem.
After appearing on the catwalk at a fashion show, she went out celebrating. "I went too far, drank way too much," she says.
"The following night, I saw Nicola and Kimberley for dinner. I wasn't in a good state at all – I was very hungover. But the first thing I wanted to do was open a bottle of wine. I know they were really worried about me."
But she admits that the realization that she had to check into rehab didn't come easily to her.
"The day I left for rehab, I was in such a mess," she admits. "I've been told by those close to me that was when I hit my worst. I was crying hysterically. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, terrified – my emotions were all over the place."
But happily, Sarah has turned her life around, and is looking forward to starting the new year as a different, healthier, person.
"I've turned 30 now and, although there will always be a bit of the rock chick in me, I'm trying to embrace my softer and more feminine side. And I am trying really hard to be healthy."
To read more of Sarah’s interview, including details of the night when she knew she and Tom’s relationship was over, the emotional situations she faced in rehab and her positive plans for the future, read the latest copy of HELLO! magazine, issue 1205.
It's a little princess!